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Why It’s Okay To Argue

Updated: Jan 16

Although, you may not like to argue with others, it probably happens from time to time. You may know others who argue often and those who would rather not. But there are some reasons why arguing may be healthy for your relationship.


In fact, an online study, “Able Arguers,” among 976 individuals in 2012 found that couples who engage in healthy conflict are 10 times more likely to have a happy relationship versus those who ignore difficult conversations. The study was conducted by David Maxfield and Joseph Grenny. Grenny co-authored The New York Times smash bestseller Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, and Maxfield co-authored several follow-up books in the series, all of which were also smash New York Time bestsellers. Moreover, Maxfield tells Bustle. “Ignoring the disagreements doesn’t work, and turning disagreements into fights doesn’t either. The key to a successful relationship is how you handle the inevitable disagreements . Those who handle them with honesty, frankness, respect, and love are far more successful than those who don’t.” says Maxfield.


In their study, they found that four out of five people said poor communication played a role in their last failed relationship, and half of respondents also cited poor communication as a significant cause of the failed relationship. Furthermore, those who blamed their partner for poor communication were more likely to be dissatisfied with the relationship. It also seemed many people did not take the blame when a conversation went poorly: fewer than one in five believed they were to blame.


You may be wondering how and why arguing is good for your relationship, and below, several experts weigh in.


Certified relationship coach Steven Dziedzic—and founder of the marriage counseling app Lasting—says "the way conversations begin largely impacts how they will unravel." This should challenge couples to be intentional about how they start a dialogue.


"Attempt to understand how they’re seeing the issue and what they’re feeling, then ask questions to clarify," recommends Dr. Gary Chapman, marriage counselor, speaker, and author of the 5 Love Languages series.


"Don't Go To Bed Angry: Stay Up and Fight" by Deb DeArmond & Ron DeArmond is a new book written to help couples resolve conflicts in their marriage. Check it out on Amazon.

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